After several years... heck, has it been that long?... I'm back in the swing of things. New year, renewed vigor.
So, why the silence? Why drop off the face of the Earth, presumably never to be seen again?
In short: health.
For me, it meant crippling fear and anxiety, to the point where going outside of my apartment became a hazard. Turns out, when you're constantly experiencing anxiety at high levels, your body starts to break down. I couldn't even list the amount of health issues that sprung up in response to my constant stress.
I was honestly petrified that I was going to be bed-ridden the rest of my days.
Medicines aren't known for helping those with PTSD, but recently doctors have been discovering that the lack of medicinal success is largely due to using the incorrect medicines. A neurologist set me up with propranolol, a beta blocker generally used for heart conditions, and we waited.
I won't say I'm 100% back to normal. I'm not sure I'll ever be "normal", but I'm not sure I ever was. All I know is that, after 6 months of being on the medicine, I'm finally ready to dive back into work and writing as a whole. It no longer panics me - it excites me.
Though there is still residual panic... generally due to mental programming designed to protect me trying to still act on old information... the more I work, the less panic there is. With each completed project, I find I have a little more confidence that the anxiety is gone.
So! Back to the grindstone, eh?