1. When you arrive, don't grab the nearest broom and proceed to sweep the carpet. The broom will break.
2. Blankets, sheets, and random bits of cloth are your friends. If you're not using it to warm or dry yourself, you can use it to warm or dry other things. To put over windows to keep away creepy neighbor's kids. Makeshift couch cover. List is endless. So don't get rid of these things before you move into the camper to "conserve space"... you'll just have to get/buy more anyway.
3. If you're going to cook, get a pot. Not a pan. Pot. There are so many things you can't cook in a pan...
4. Never wash a fridge out with Lysol.
5. Listerine frequently. You never know what's been crawling in your mouth while you're sleeping.
6. Coffee filters are decent makeshift plates.
7. If using coffee filters as makeshift plates, do not put coffee filter plate down on stove.
8. Glass plates are very pretty and very unforgiving.
9. Actually, don't buy anything glass. An errant elbow will crush dreams/cups/plates and damage toesies.
10. Hot water is a fickle ho. Use sparingly, and then leave her before she leaves you. You will get the literal cold shoulder otherwise.
11. If using two air mattresses pushed together for sleeping, and deciding to sleep sideways so cuddling is an option, make sure to prop things up against the corners. You will wake up with butts on the floor.
12. There are particular ways to properly flush a camper toilet.
13. Do not walk around with only socks. You may step out into the living room after a shower and directly into a Great-Lakes-sized puddle.
14. Towels don't dry well in Fall sunlight.
15. Do not spray copious amounts of Febreeze until you open the windows.
16. See above and apply to bug spray.
17. Gnat and spider hunting is all about predicting the next move.
18. Skunks are sneaky.
19. Skunks are habitual creatures, and enjoy frequenting the same spots every night, around the same time.
20. Skunk chasing you? Run into the street. They may chase a person, but they won't take on a moving vehicle.
21. The best time to become a garbage-disposing ninja is 1am on Tuesdays.
22. Libraries are great for fulfilling one's online gaming addiction. Suppress the urge to swear loudly when you die/get ganked.
23. If fridge is fritzy, keep your food to the front of the fridge.
24. Do not take things out of the fritzy fridge quickly. Most likely puddles have formed on the top of your favorite foods. Unexpected shower imminent.
25. Wear geeky t-shirts around town. They may garner new and unexpected friends who you let borrow your copy of Doctor Who Season 1, then give you free frosty coupons.
26. Accept generosity, but with the mindset that you will pay them back one day. Also, keep a lookout for those chances - they are awesome and will make your day/week/month/life all toasty glowey.
27. Washing dishes in a camper is gentle work. Set aside a long time to do them. You're gonna need it.
28. Recycling is a skill. Like riding a bike.
29. Kale is cheap and fills you up. Eggs are also cheap. Do not mix the two.
30. Lemon pepper is a wonderful All-spice. Lemon pepper chicken! Lemon pepper kielbasi! Lemon pepper eggs!
31. Milk will freeze.
32. Light the lighter AND THEN turn on the gas on the stove. Unless you don't like the hair on your hand.
33. Camper couches are very good at blocking WiFi signals.
34. Do not let the creepy visiting neighbor into the camper. But do accept if he offers you his microwave and computer desk. Just don't stay too long in his house getting it. He might have a gun.
35. If the creepy neighbor says he's going to the bathroom, but does not go into the bathroom, don't follow him. Just take the stuff and gogogo.
36. After leaving make sure your window curtains are properly up. And lock the door.
37. If you can see your breath, it's time to go to bed.
38. Spider webs near trash cans are funny. If you toss tiny bits of trash and miss, the web will catch it. No worries.
39. You are rarely so thankful to have a roof over your head, as you are when it's raining but you can see your breath.
40. You are rarely so thankful to have walls around you when you hear rustles outside and smell skunk.
And last but not least, a bonus one:
41. All of this makes you additionally thankful when you reach that beautiful old upstairs apartment! YESSSSS!
Special thanks to Eva and her Dad for letting us stay there while we've been getting on our feet.