Amy Josuweit - Writer

Hey all! Miss me?

After several years... heck, has it been that long?... I'm back in the swing of things. New year, renewed vigor.

So, why the silence? Why drop off the face of the Earth, presumably never to be seen again?

In short: health.

Yep - I've moved back to PA. I gather you may be wondering why it was such a short visit.

Mass was a bit of a failure to launch on my part. My fiancee and I had little time to prepare: we flew off to MA because we had few other options. Once we got there, we realized that the amount of money we had saved was worth a lot less in that state.

Until moving up to Mass, I had no idea that different states had such overall price differences. Everything that we would buy at a store was twice the price that it would have been in PA. Which meant that, while we thought we weren't exactly prepared when we left, we found ourselves vastly under-prepared when we arrived.

Elance - A place only (supposedly) the best of the best tread. This is due to the inordinate amount of tests, verifications, and general hassle. Now that I've gathered a decent backing, samples, and otherwise, I figured... hey, give it a shot.

Ah man. Sad news today. I've had to abandon a sinking ship. Which ship? The one that goes by the name of Koku Gamer.

Let's get this straight - there are only a handful of times in my life where I've been paid for my writing. Once was when my theatrical production of "Mother Goose" was staged. And I'm sure there were other times, but they escape me.

Finally, after two months of slogging about, begging for a job, I decided that I should be making money if I'm going to be sitting on the computer all day. A little voice in my head reminded me of the website Fiverr.

In and out of the post-college murkiness, I try to shake it off and climb on over to the land of National Novel Writing Month, more often known as NaNoWriMo. Trying to breathe new life into a promising novel of mine, currently known as The Train Pirates.

Doing this as well as writing for Koku Gamer, and searching for one of those all-coveted paid jobs... welp, it's all compounded to making me sick. I never seem to be able to get things done and be healthy simultaneously. Haven't actually started the NaNo writing yet, and I'm three days late. But I'll catch up. I usually do. Wish me luck!

To commemorate our wonderful (and gracious and awesome) time living in the camper, I made a list of (mostly humorous) things I've learned in my time there:

1. When you arrive, don't grab the nearest broom and proceed to sweep the carpet. The broom will break.

2. Blankets, sheets, and random bits of cloth are your friends. If you're not using it to warm or dry yourself, you can use it to warm or dry other things. To put over windows to keep away creepy neighbor's kids. Makeshift couch cover. List is endless. So don't get rid of these things before you move into the camper to "conserve space"... you'll just have to get/buy more anyway.

3. If you're going to cook, get a pot. Not a pan. Pot. There are so many things you can't cook in a pan...

4. Never wash a fridge out with Lysol.

5. Listerine frequently. You never know what's been crawling in your mouth while you're sleeping.

6. Coffee filters are decent makeshift plates.

7. If using coffee filters as makeshift plates, do not put coffee filter plate down on stove.

8. Glass plates are very pretty and very unforgiving.

9. Actually, don't buy anything glass. An errant elbow will crush dreams/cups/plates and damage toesies.

10. Hot water is a fickle ho. Use sparingly, and then leave her before she leaves you. You will get the literal cold shoulder otherwise.

11. If using two air mattresses pushed together for sleeping, and deciding to sleep sideways so cuddling is an option, make sure to prop things up against the corners. You will wake up with butts on the floor.

12. There are particular ways to properly flush a camper toilet.

13. Do not walk around with only socks. You may step out into the living room after a shower and directly into a Great-Lakes-sized puddle.

14. Towels don't dry well in Fall sunlight.

15. Do not spray copious amounts of Febreeze until you open the windows.

16. See above and apply to bug spray.

17. Gnat and spider hunting is all about predicting the next move.

18. Skunks are sneaky.

19. Skunks are habitual creatures, and enjoy frequenting the same spots every night, around the same time.

20. Skunk chasing you? Run into the street. They may chase a person, but they won't take on a moving vehicle.

21. The best time to become a garbage-disposing ninja is 1am on Tuesdays.

22. Libraries are great for fulfilling one's online gaming addiction. Suppress the urge to swear loudly when you die/get ganked.

23. If fridge is fritzy, keep your food to the front of the fridge.

24. Do not take things out of the fritzy fridge quickly. Most likely puddles have formed on the top of your favorite foods. Unexpected shower imminent.

25. Wear geeky t-shirts around town. They may garner new and unexpected friends who you let borrow your copy of Doctor Who Season 1, then give you free frosty coupons.

26. Accept generosity, but with the mindset that you will pay them back one day. Also, keep a lookout for those chances - they are awesome and will make your day/week/month/life all toasty glowey.

27. Washing dishes in a camper is gentle work. Set aside a long time to do them. You're gonna need it.

28. Recycling is a skill. Like riding a bike.

29. Kale is cheap and fills you up. Eggs are also cheap. Do not mix the two.

30. Lemon pepper is a wonderful All-spice. Lemon pepper chicken! Lemon pepper kielbasi! Lemon pepper eggs!

31. Milk will freeze.

32. Light the lighter AND THEN turn on the gas on the stove. Unless you don't like the hair on your hand.

33. Camper couches are very good at blocking WiFi signals.

34. Do not let the creepy visiting neighbor into the camper. But do accept if he offers you his microwave and computer desk. Just don't stay too long in his house getting it. He might have a gun.

35. If the creepy neighbor says he's going to the bathroom, but does not go into the bathroom, don't follow him. Just take the stuff and gogogo.

36. After leaving make sure your window curtains are properly up. And lock the door.

37. If you can see your breath, it's time to go to bed.

38. Spider webs near trash cans are funny. If you toss tiny bits of trash and miss, the web will catch it. No worries.

39. You are rarely so thankful to have a roof over your head, as you are when it's raining but you can see your breath.

40. You are rarely so thankful to have walls around you when you hear rustles outside and smell skunk.

And last but not least, a bonus one:

41. All of this makes you additionally thankful when you reach that beautiful old upstairs apartment! YESSSSS!

Special thanks to Eva and her Dad for letting us stay there while we've been getting on our feet.

Well, hey! On the one hand, here's good news: I've moved! From PA to MA. At least the A stayed the same. Been here for 2 weeks, on the dot. Lovely place, Greenfield.

I've moved, but I'm currently waiting for the current tenant of our apartment to siddle on out of there. Which means, until then, we're in a camper. Yup. I roll in style. I'm actually rather enjoying it. Like many other things in my life, I'm planning on looking back at this and going, "Remember when we lived in that camper for a month? Good times, man."

Bad news: them blues are settin' in. I still have no job (though about 3-4 businesses around me are hiring and I've applied... they're just sort of sitting on top of my application with their hands folded), and have been sitting here slowly melding with the dust. The big dollar signs are starting to grab at my heels, and besides paying for that lovely apartment I'll be staying in, there's lovely things like car insurance, credit card bills, and that juicy pile of school loans. I don't much care what I'm doing at this point... just that I make enough to eat and keep the hound-drool off my shoes.

At this point I start to sink into the mindset of uselessness: what am I doing right now but soaking up air, water, and expensive food? Nada. And soon at least one of those things is gonna run out unless I do something about it. I've got some ideas, but each time I go to run after one, the blues clock me in the jaw and I'm on the floor, wondering again how I can be so useless. Ad infiniutm.

However, I won't let the w(h)ine-and-sorrow gig go on much longer. I'm applying to volunteer gaming writer positions. If nothing else, I can write out my opinions about the latest in gaming stuff I've touched ('cause I touch it daily) and send that out to the volunteer places, and slowly accrue a little bit of background. Better than sitting on my hands waiting for McDonald's to call me back. Seriously, that's a bitch. Waiting on McDonald's? Augh.

So, Shape was fantastic! Now I'm exhausted. I just finished my very final final.

Now I'm sitting at work, trying to decide on what to do next. I think I need to sleep off 5 years (and two summers) of tightened stress-worn muscles. Jesus. I'll be back after I recuperate...

(Few hours later)

Don't mind me, just putzzing around and adding an all new section for the acting roles I've had in the past! Woot woot! It's under "Productions" and "Acting". I only have little blurbs up now, but hopefully I'll get more as time goes on.

Heh. Not a bad thing to work on right after my final college class wraps up, right?